In this moment

Earlier this week I realized it was the first moment in maybe two months that I was actually not on short deadline for anything.

This does not mean I have no deadlines; it just means the ones I remember are a little bit further out, and if I have close ones they have been forgotten about.

We have had relentless snow the last couple of weeks; today has been the first day well above freezing since I got home from Chicago, everything bright and drippy and rivulets flowing from the snow canyon walls that line the streets and make navigating the intersections treacherous.

I don’t have short deadlines. I have long deadlines that are not as long as I think, and the work I need to get done between now and then is work that needs some structure to it, some measure of organization and reflection, and I suspect I am forgetting things because I am not organized enough and I lack focus because I am forgetting things…

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will do all the things.
I will eat right food, not too much,
and also use up the things in the fridge
before they go past their usefulness,
and I will engage in thirty minutes
of vigorous exercise
without letting my heart rate rise
more than twenty percent,
whatever that is,
and get no less than eight hours
of uninterrupted sleep
before I awaken bright and early
to be on time and well prepared
and non anxious and present.

Tomorrow I will remember to pray,
to make time for silence of the soul
to find the string of beads
and slip them through my fingers
as I try to remember the order of the prayers
and the list of people
I promised I would pray for.
(I have thought of them,
lifted their joys and cares
to whatever is listening
while I wait for the traffic light to change
and the distracted pedestrian on the cell phone
to meander across the intersection
but I am not sure that counts.)

Tomorrow I will acknowledge my fears,
take inventory of my sorrows,
catalog my frustrations,
curate my myriad insufficiencies;
tomorrow I will do something about
everything
all at once
even though
I needed to start yesterday.

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