The days are short. The nights are cold and long. Family and church and school all demand pieces of my time. Today I feel like I have accomplished NOTHING of the thousand and ten things I ought to have already gotten done by now. Uggh.
I made a shopping run today and did not figure out what I was looking for, so I didn’t buy it, but I did buy other stuff I don’t necessarily need except, really. Uggh.
Every horizontal surface in our living space is covered in three inches of accumulated paper that I can’t throw out because it needs to be filed but I don’t have a place to file it in or, indeed, the time and space to establish one. Uggh.
We have family gathering here over the weekend. The weather is forecast to be crap. I am dreading the possibility of being ice stormed into my house with all of my in-laws. Spouse is starting to make me crazy, or crazier, because life is not normal and this worries him. (How do I begin to explain that life is not going to be normal ever again, ever, because this is what life looks like now?) Uggh.
I am woefully behind in the work for an important class, and I am struggling to engage it anyway, and throw something together even though anything I do at this point will be pitifully inadequate and I want so badly to do well that I find I am too paralyzed by fear of failure to do anything at all. Uggh.
It is made harder because I desperately need to pause the busy-ness and care for my soul, so that I have the resources I need to roll into the January intensives and work really hard for three weeks straight. (A week from today is Christmas. Two weeks from today is New Year’s Day. Three weeks from today I am on an airplane to Chicago for the rest of January. This seemed like a good idea, somehow. I despair.)
Holy Mystery, you got me into this. Now get me through it.