It’s April, right?

Let’s see… last July I had a spiritual meltdown and then read a bunch of the MFC required reading list material until I felt better. August into September was feverishly busy with church stuff (the music director search, and getting the choir together for Ingathering.)

As soon as that started winding up at the end of September I went into another spiritual crisis, started blogging again, and eventually read some more of the MFC material in October.

November into December was wicked busy with holiday stuff (church music and family) and my day job. I read a little bit more required material after Christmas, then spent the rest of January and most of February freaking out about my seminary application.

March was mostly full up with church music (preparation for Easter) and my day job (leading up to the end of the accounting quarter), with a side order of “freak out about seminary.”

It’s April, Easter is done and the fiscal quarter is over, and I’m probably past due for either a spiritual meltdown or the urge to read more of the MFC required list.

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with this whole thing – largely I think because I am still maintaining the shell of my old life while growing this new amazing thing within it, and the new amazing thing is about ready to burst out into the world and I am not freaking ready to deal with this yet. I still have responsibilities! I haven’t quit my day job yet – not in body at least. I’m planning to keep it through the end of the summer, but it’s hard watching the people I’m meeting on this journey race on ahead while I’m still tidying up the parts of my life that I’m getting done with.

I’d love to plunge right in this summer, but… I want to leave my job in at least as good a shape as I got it in, and that means clearing up a backlog of work that I’ve been unable to keep up with. And as long as I’m committed to finishing the job, it’s that much harder for me to take off an afternoon here or two days there to deal with meetings and paperwork and appointments and such. I need to get new glasses this year, and take care of the meat body I live in, and trying to do as much of that before changing insurance…

And my husband is getting nervous because he’s finally starting to figure out that I mean it when I say I am quitting my secure career-track job with benefits in order to pursue this uncertain future of chasing the spirit wind. I have faith that this is going to work out if I trust and follow the call; but do I have enough faith for both of us?

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