Whew. Did some blog maintenance tonight, tidying up tags and categories and such. Haven’t had much time for writing. It’s been one of those waves of busy wherein I just do not make time for deep reflection in the crush of getting things done. I am good at shutting ‘er down and getting things done. Where I am weak is in making time and space in the crush of getting things done to listen and reflect. I need to work out better ways of doing this, or learn them from other people.

Been making a lot of music lately, which is sustaining; both the Occasional Orchestra and the choir are doing our thing for Easter Sunday. There are a few of us who both sing and play; the logistics are going to be interesting. (I think we’ve mostly sorted out who is doing what part on which piece by now. At least I hope so.) I need to go spend some time in the studio and make some art; there’s something that wants to come into the world and I need to go down there and make a space for it to do so. But my evenings this week are mostly full of church (two meetings and a choir/orchestra rehearsal) and with it being the end of the accounting quarter I’ve been working a boatload of extra time at the office, which is eating into my evenings, and oddly enough the person I married wants some of my time and attention, and I am just not balancing this really well.

I keep hoping it will be easier when I am not trying to juggle 40+ hours of unrelated day job along with having a relationship and following a sacred calling. I also keep hoping the juggling will be easier when I am more comfortable and confident in being my authentic self, whoever that is, in both my public and private lives. Right now a great deal of my energy is spent on not being too inconvenient to people, or on trying to fit into the space available, instead of on figuring out who I am and letting that grow.

I have a list of things I want to devote some time to thinking about, but I don’t know when that’s going to happen. One of the big ones that’s rolling around for me right now is the place of art and beauty in the world, theologically speaking: if you take the premise that all Creation can be read as sacred scripture (which is its own long story), then art, music, creative endeavor of all sorts is a way of letting the Sacred into the world, lifting it up…. It ties into “found art” and “found poetry” on the one end, and finding the holy in the mundane at the other end, and I’ve just not had time to figure out the middle.

I also need to solidify some more thoughts on stewardship and sustaining community, the spiritual practice of service, how do we approach the idea of wholeness through sacrifice when traditional Christian theology makes so many of us twitchy… There is a whole crate of stuff to unpack there.

And I need to go re-read Radioactive Jesus and try to remember what the third post in that series was going to be. I think it might have ended up in my application essay instead.

But it’s after midnight and I’m giving someone a ride to church tomorrow, so that means I need to get up and go.

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