Down the rabbit hole

Today I mailed off the letter of intent to accept admission to school. (I scanned it and sent by email yesterday, just to make sure they have a copy.)

If someone had told me a year ago that today I would be mailing a letter declaring my intention to enroll in seminary in preparation for the ministry I’d’ve called them a fool and a liar, because I hadn’t any such intentions and besides I was (mostly) an atheist.

It’s funny how these things happen.

Tonight I need to make some kind of Green Food for a pre-Saint-Patrick’s-Day party at the office, and I also need to do the prep work for my hastily rescheduled music committee meeting after choir practice tomorrow night. Some time soon I need to make order of the notes from the Worship Arts Retreat last fall, which are rolled up in a pile on my kitchen side table. And I’ve been working as much overtime as I can stand at my day job, which eats into my evenings.

I have no idea what is going to happen next. There are countless unknowns: will Spouse have a job after the end of June? How on earth am I going to pay for this? Am I crazy? Am I the right kind of crazy? Am I too broken, too sharp-edged, too wary, too disconnected from myself to do this right?

I am a mess. And I do not understand what the Holy Mystery wants with this lumpy broken mess that is me.

But here I am, if You are listening. Just let me know.

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