Today has mostly been a writing and email and being cat furniture sort of day. It’s been a quiet week after the Christmas holiday; Thursday was a snow day due to the hand-me-down winter storm that dumped nine or ten inches between Wednesday night and Friday morning, then after a brief break in the weather yesterday we got another six inches or so overnight. It looks like winter now and the snowmobilers and plow guys are happy.
With the coming new year I have been reflecting a lot and working through some personal stuff that is not really ready for the blog yet. I think I am maybe close to untangling some of the knots that have been tying me up emotionally, but where that will go remains to be seen. Sometimes it seems that the more I unpack, the more junk I have to unpack, and I need the occasional reminder that I do not have to have it all out and perfectly organized to get started.
What I want is to somehow be past the application part and safely enrolled in divinity school, in a community of people who get it. Of course, by then I will have other things to freak out about (CPE, anyone? Credentialing committee interviews?) but right now I am still, very much, in an insecure nose-pressed-against-the-window-glass sort of place, wanting to come in but afraid of asking and being told I’m not allowed.
But in the mean time it is quiet and dark; the icy wind is whistling outside the house, and there is a warm furry blob sleeping on my leg. It could be worse.