Two steps forward, one step back

So I started the weekend with this fine plan that Saturday was going to be church work all day, Sunday afternoon was going to be Get Stuff Done time, and Monday (the holiday) would be down time for a combination of writing things for other people and maybe getting to some of my own deep reflection.

And then Sunday afternoon, just after I’d put all the pants that fit into the washing machine, my brother-in-law called to invite us up for Canadian Thanksgiving (my sister-in-law is from New Brunswick, so their household does both Thanksgivings.) So I spent my afternoon eating a glorious meal and hanging out with good company. There are worse ways to spend an afternoon.

Now the bread pudding for my father-in-law is in the oven (his annual Christmas present is a bread pudding once a month) and the laundry is put away, and I’ve stolen a few moments to riffle through the notebook where I’ve pasted all the little scraps of paper with things I wanted to get done this weekend, and I need another three day weekend already…

I have never been very good at time management, or at least not at the parts of balancing the stuff that requires solitude to get done with the amount of solitude I actually get. It feels like every time I scrape a space into my life where I can get silence and solitude for attending to the deep work, somebody or something shows up and piles stuff into it. And I am a sucker for doing things for people. I need to get a better handle on this or I will not be able to survive the life I am choosing (or which has chosen me.) But I haven’t figured out where to start.

Baby steps I’ve taken this weekend: researched the process for getting transcripts out of my undergrad alma mater; researched admissions requirements for the two theological schools I will most likely apply to. I’m nervous about this; I’ve been out of school for sixteen years, out of touch with academia altogether, and tending to despair of tracking down anyone who might be persuaded to provide the required academic references. This bit also pushes an old button about feeling like I have to prove I’m already able to do something before being allowed to try it. I’m trying to be open and trust that what needs to happen will happen when the time is right, but my human weakness is getting the better of me.

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